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March 13, 2005
Sick and Tired of being Sick and Tired
You know what? My body can go straight to hell. For the past three weeks, my corporeal home has done nothing but cause me shame, horror,
disgust, pain, bitterness and anger. And it's started a cycle of badness that has started to bleed into other aspects of my life, and I am tired of it. Sick and tired of it! And it's all my body's fault.
Theee weeks ago, to the day if not the hour, I started feeling sharp,
stabbing pains in my left side. Naturally, when these pains did not
resolve themselves, I figured that my appendix was exploding and I
walked to the emergency room.
(Did I mention that three weeks ago, to the day, three treasured and
deeply beloved friends were spending the weekend at the apartment? And that a further flotilla of friends were in the city as well,
promising a weekend full of seeing people I cherish and miss having
around? Just to add some backstory, you see.)
Anyhow, I walked to the emergency room at 1 p.m. (Way more fun than, say, going to see the Gates or have Indian food, right?) Once there, I sat and enjoyed the Zen facilities (they have no tvs or magazines to interrupt the spa-like ambiance) for three hours. After three hours I was admitted to the ER, where I was given a folding chair across the way from a homeless man on a gurney. When I started crying from the pain (so weak!) the homeless man offered to give me his gurney. And I took it, gladly. As you guessed, this is a sure way to feel like a million bucks.
Anyhow, the pain-is-unberable-pain-has-subsided cycle went on for a few hours.
But rather than do an hour by hour breakdown, I thought I'd just list some observations about my favorite things about the ER from 5 p.m. to 2 a.m.:
1) Here's a fun fact: patients admitted to the hospital for abdominal pain are forbidden from taking any food or liquids in by mouth until a diagnosis is made! They gave me a painkilling shot, they gave me an IV drip, they gave me some Kleenex (well, only because Nate went and asked for them), but they did not give me a damn thing to eat or drink.
2) They let you have visitors in the ER, and they will let them stay almost all the time, which is a blessing and a wonder. In all seriousness. It was the best thing ever, and I am thankful.
3) Nothing is more frightening and yet exhillirating than a shift change. It's bad because they kick all the visitors out and you realize, Oh my God, it's midnight, I've been here for 10 hours and that means the insurance bill has undoubtably entered the six figure area. It's exhilirating because it means you are FOR SURE going to see the doctor, because he or she has to walk by with the new doctor coming on shift, and he or she is going to have to tell the other
doctor what's been going on with you. It's your chance, if you are an adept lip reader or have excellent hearing, to maybe figure out what's the matter with you! ( I overheard,"blahblahrenalblahblah" and "swhswhswhswhswhovarianswhswhswh" -- reassuring!)
4) Sometimes you will have to go to the bathroom when you are in the ER, and that is okay! Simply take your IV bag and cradle it in your arms, hold the butt of your gown closed and shuffle your bare feet to the bathroom. Be sure not to drop your IV bag into the toilet, sink or garbage! (I got some socks around 1 am, and after that going to the bathroom was a lot cozier.)
5) Nurses, by and large, are actually really nice. And they can give you POWERFUL drugs.
Okay, enough of the list. Long story short, after thirteen hours, a CAT scan and two ultrasounds, they told me I had a cyst on my left ovary the size of a small grapefruit, and the cyst was twisting my ovary around, cutting off its blood supply and causing the waves of pain. Sounded good to me! At five-thirty that morning, they took me up to surgery, the cyst was removed, and I got to eat ice chips, apple juice, and the most delicious Oreo cookies I have ever had.
Two weeks later (two weeks of walking slow, doing no heavy lifting and staring at the three little scars on my belly) I was pronounced healthy and hale. This was my trecherous body's signal to *right that very afternoon* develop a hacking, coughing, 102.8-fever-having flu. Which is where I sit now -- mostly better but with a lingering cough and the memory of five totally wasted days. I am fed up with my body's misbehavior and fed up with leaving butt prints in the couch as I watch recuperatory tv. Bah!!
Posted by Jen at 09:35 PM | Comments (1)
Bears!
Watching tv this morning, I have discovered my new path in life: bear researcher. Nate was flipping channels this morning and said, "Hey, there's a show called Bears: Spy in the Woods!" Normally nature shows aren't my thing, but come on: Bears: Spy in the Woods sounded awesome. And it was! Narrated by David Attenborough, the show looked at polar bears, brown bears, panda bears and spectacle bears, the only South American bears and the cutest bears ever.
So, screw New York and this urban life. I'm moving upstate and researching bears.
Posted by Jen at 12:31 PM | Comments (1)
March 12, 2005
Welcome back, Kotter
So! Many moons later, the blog returns. The incredible amount of spam in the comment section of the blog had made updating a painful experience, and was just the goad my laziness needed to say the hell with it and not update. However, Nathan has changed the software and now, I am told, comment spam will be a thing of the past. So, with no more excuses not to update, let the blogging begin! Again!
*To leave messages about hot teen action or no-minimum wild offshore poker games, you can access the archives here
Posted by Jen at 06:05 PM | Comments (1)